Mothering Life
When I got pregnant with my first, I was excited! I was ready to step into adulthood and take on the responsibility of being a mom. In preparation, I did all the things I thought I was supposed to do. I ate the right foods, read the recommended parenting books, went to my prenatal appointments, and took birth and baby classes. What I didn’t do was set up anything for my own care.
I know that sounds silly, but I think many moms will understand. I was so laser focused on my daughter that thinking about my health and well-being after having my baby wasn’t even on my radar. I mean, why would it be? We didn’t talk about that during prenatal visits or baby classes or with family and friends. We talked about my baby which was my number one priority as a mother to be, so I didn’t even question the absence of my postpartum care as a topic.
After having my first baby, I felt “off”. I had been a healthy, fit, active woman, and afterwards, I couldn’t even walk around my block without collapsing into a state of complete exhaustion. I was struggling with the day to day and often cried while home by myself because I felt like I was failing as a new mother. I loved my daughter so much, and I didn’t think I had postpartum depression because I didn’t have suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming my child. I just thought, I am doing this wrong, and I need to suck it up and figure out how to do it the right way.
I stopped trusting myself and looked to outside resources for answers. I spoke with family, doctors, psychologists, counselors, and lactation consultants all in hopes of coming up with the solution that would fix me and allow me to experience how wonderful it is to be a new mother. From the outside, I kept up appearances as I didn’t want to admit that I was failing at motherhood, but internally, I was exhausted, overwhelmed, isolated, and I just kept wondering what was wrong with me.
When I spoke with experts, my fears were confirmed when I was recommended medication. My thoughts were, yep, there is something wrong with me and now I need to be medicated. I thought medication is for sick people - I failed as I couldn’t figure out motherhood on my own. Please don’t get me wrong, I believe that there is absolutely a need for medication in certain situations and that medication can save lives. What I struggle with is why no one asked how am I sleeping, what am I eating, how is my support system at home?
In short, I declined the medication, and after I finally started sleeping through the night (2 years later), I started to feel like me, again. I came out of my fog and my curiosity about support for new mothers started to grow. I felt like I must have missed some major resources, so I started my quest. I talked with midwives, obstetricians, perinatal psychologists, and social workers, and found support for women who had been diagnosed with perinatal mood disorders. I could not find support for moms that just needed help and needed information on what they could do to support their care after they had a baby until I came across INNATE Postpartum Care.
When I started my INNATE Postpartum Care certification I discovered that nothing was wrong with me, but there was something wrong with how I had gone into being a new mom - depleted, isolated, sleep deprived and with little support. As new moms we are working harder than we ever have before - trying to be superwomen. In growing and birthing our babies, we put our bodies through one of the most challenging physical experiences we will ever endure. Many of us are up with our babies throughout the night learning the nuances of nursing, baby’s communications (which often include crying), diaper changing in the dark, and the isolation of being alone all day with our babies (as is often the case in most nuclear family dynamics during maternity leave - which some moms don’t even get or take). It is a lot, and as a society, I believe we can do better. I believe we can provide support to our new mothers instead of leaving them alone to feel like something is wrong with them.
I started Mothering Life with the purpose and intention to help new moms and to make sure that they have the support and care they need to thrive. I believe that in order to help the children of the world, we need to start with the mothers. If mothers thrive, children will thrive, and if children thrive, the world at large will thrive as well. This work is my life’s purpose, and I am grateful to be kicking off this journey. Thank you for your part in this work, whether you are a new mom, a new dad, a mentor or practitioner in maternal health, or someone here to offer their support. We truly need our village, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart and look forward to the journey ahead.
Danielle Hughes is the Founder of Mothering Life and a mother of two. She is an INNATE Postpartum Care practitioner and provides information and resources to expectant and new mothers, so motherhood can be the celebration that it is meant to be.